he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
