dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
