i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
