Are we in a gay sports bar?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
