don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Girls should come with a carfax report
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
