I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
