Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
