I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
