I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
