I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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