Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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