I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
