They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
