i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
