Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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