Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize