Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
