My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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