Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
