this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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