I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
