I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
