I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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