Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize