there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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