Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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