Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
