just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
