im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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