Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
