i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
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Do I have a choice?
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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