Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
