Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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