remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
