I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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