Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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