so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize