umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
