there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
