I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
