no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
