Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize