HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize