so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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