You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
