I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My liver just broke up with me...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
