Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
