I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Randomize
