I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
