my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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