I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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