oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize