just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think weed is turning my hair brown
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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