I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
