And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
