Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
