Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
