Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
