We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
