Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
