Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
