im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
and you fell through a lawn chair
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
