I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize