on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
