You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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