Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
