i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
