Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
