One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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