I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
